Three Months = 1/4 of a year

It's been a long time (three months or more) since I've blogged. I'm not an avid blogger, obviously. My postings are sporadic and forced (by myself), most of the time. However, I do think that it is a good thing for me to express the things I've been learning in written form (or typed), as it provides me with a way to look back on what I've learned and how it has changed me.

Here's a conglomeration of things I've been learning:

- One woman spent 20 years recording the things that that made her happy. She published her list as a book titled "14,000 Things to Be Happy About". I've only read through the first twenty, but I've already been considering creating my own list. I'm learning that it's important to acknowledge the good things in life. Too often, people focus on the things that weigh them down - the heartaches, the heartbreaks, the struggles, the hardships, the pains, the temptations, the feelings of defeat. If I'm going to spend all my energy on thinking about things, I'd much rather prefer to focus on the positive.

- I'm learning that I'm not very kind to my classmates. I don't feel like I fit in/belong in the group that comprises nearly every single class I've had for the past three years. I do not want to change my perspective on life simply as a means to feel more accepted or more similar to the group. I do, however, need to let them know that I truly care about them and value their relationships. I haven't been letting them know that I appreciate them. I need to appreciate them, even if the appreciation isn't reciprocated.

- I'm learning that I don't know the Bible. I grew up in the church. I heard the Bible stories. I took two college classes of which the information was focused solely on the contents of both the Old Testament and the New Testament. Yet, I don't KNOW the Bible. It's a sad thing, really. How am I to know who God is if I choose to ignore His word? Why am I so consumed with my daily life that I do not take time to study the word? Why am I so overwhelmed at the thought of trying to figure out the content of the word?

- I'm learning that I cannot depend on people. People make mistakes. People let us down. People are ignorant to the Truth. People choose to ignore the Truth. I am commanded to be in community with the people around me - to love them, to spend time with them, to correct them, to allow them to correct me, etc. However, if I am depending on them to supply my joy for life and give me my self-worth, then I will never have joy and I will never have worth. God is the giver of life - the only one who can supply true joy. What does that mean? I have no idea...I'm still learning.

- I'm learning that I'm not good at managing friends, family, school, and work. No matter how I spend my time, someone will feel left out, out-of-the-loop, betrayed, replaced, disobeyed, not-respected, etc. I've always tried to be a people pleaser. I've tried to give everyone the time I know that they deserve. It's suddenly become draining and it doesn't allow me time to maintain the responsibility of finishing school work as well. So, I decided to take a week and live life how I chose to live it. I decided how I spent my time. I liked it. I was less tired, more refreshed, less weighed down. Now, back to giving people the time they deserve (after all, I do know that I enjoy spending time with people, too).

These few points don't even begin to sum up the past three months, but they'll suffice for now.

Peace. Shalom.
Melissa

Wal-Mart Lines

Dear woman in front of me in the line at Wal-Mart,

I wish you the MERRIEST Christmas that one could wish.

Sincerely,
The gal behind you.

A Bundle of Gifts on Thanksgiving.

Lesson: I have been given so many gifts in life. I need to recognize and appreciate these gifts every moment of every day.


I do not watch a whole lot of movies. I wish I could simply sit down and watch a movie in its entirety, but it just doesn't happen often. I'm secretly (or not so secretly, now) trying to train myself to get involved more in good movies, as I do think that they can have powerful messages. I watched a movie tonight. Rather than this movie wasting two hours of my life (like most movies people persuade me to watch), I found it a huge blessing and a great reminder of the gifts I've been given.

1. The Gift of Work
2. The Gift of Learning
3. The Gift of Laughter
4. The Gift of a Friend
5. The Gift of Family
6. The Gift of Dreams
7. The Gift of Money
8. The Gift of Giving
9. The Gift of Gratitude
10. The Gift of a Day
11. The Gift of Problems
12. The Gift of Love

For those of you who have not seen "The Ultimate Gift", I suggest you take a moment out of your day (and perhaps a few bucks out of your pocket) to sit down and enjoy a great film with a great lesson.

What a great end to a Thanksgiving Day.

-Melissa

Dreams and Jesus

Last night I had a dream; an unusual dream:

I was to speak in chapel Monday morning (I thought it was Sunday night for most of my dream). I had just been notified of my obligatory speech, however, so it was pertinent that I use this night to prepare my message. I woke up at one point and remembered that is was actually Saturday night, but I still knew that I wouldn't have time to prepare my message if I didn't prepare it in my dream (I thought this out while I was awake...and while awake I still thought that I had this message to prepare). So, I went back to sleep and back to planning. I was flipping violently through Scriptures, scribbling out a rough outline, and trying to come up with a sufficient amount of information to present. I could sense that time was running out - as it felt like my night's sleep was almost over - and I only had a few disjoined ideas scribbled down. I could barely read my own hand writing. Frightened and nervous, I awoke. It was Sunday morning. Tomorrow was Monday, and I did not have to speak to the student body in chapel. What a relief.

While recalling this dream during church this morning, I tried to picture the outline that I had so hurriedly, but vividly, created during my dream. I tried to read the Scripture references in the outline, but couldn't remember them. Suddenly, a reference came to mind: Psalm 130. I ignored Pastor Gregory and flipped through the pages of my Bible to the passage in mind:

Psalm 130
1 Out of the depths I cry to you, O LORD;
2 O Lord, hear my voice. Let your ears be attentiveto my cry for mercy.
3 If you, O LORD, kept a record of sins, O Lord, who could stand?
4 But with you there is forgiveness; therefore you are feared.
5 I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope.
6 My soul waits for the Lord more than watchmen wait for the morning, more than watchmen wait for the morning.
7 O Israel, put your hope in the LORD, for with the LORD is unfailing love and with him is full redemption.
8 He himself will redeem Israel from all their sins.


Verses 7 and 8 stuck out to me. I replaced 'O Israel' with my name:

"Melissa, put your hope in the LORD, for with the LORD is unfailing love and with him is full redemption. He himself will redeem Melissa from all her sins".

I needed that more than anything today.

Crystal Clear...with a few specks.

Lesson: In all things, God works for the GOOD...(not necessarily for our desires or expectations)

I woke up Thursday morning with a great deal of nervousness. I was nervous about what that day was about to present me with. I had created expectations for this particular day and I knew the nerves had resulted from knowing that my expectations would not be met (because the expectations had been created with selfish motives).

Anyways, I hopped on facebook real quick before darting off to class. Instantly, a message popped up from a friend who very rarely facebook chats me (face-to-face communication is our typical way of communicating). She simply asked if there was anything she could pray for. I was taken aback, but knew full well what I needed prayer for. I shared with her, and she ended the message by saying, "God is good and he makes all things good".

I knew this to be true, but didn't think much about the statement at the time. Thursday afternoon I received a letter in the mail from a dear friend. When reading over the letter for a third time today, I caught something I hadn't noticed the previous two times that I had read the letter; beneath the signed name was a reference to a passage of Scripture:


Romans 8:28-39

"28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. 29 For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. 30 And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.

31 What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all - how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33 Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or dange or sword? 36 As it is written:

'For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered'.

37 No, in all these things, we are more than conquerers through him who loved us. 38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future now any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."


...I proceeded through Thursday and Friday, and it was evident that God had answered the prayers I had prayed Wednesday night; make his will CLEAR in the approaching situation. He did just that. Despite the days not quite turning out as I had anticipated, I recognize that God does not promise that only desirable and pleasurable things will come. God does promise that the things that do come will be used in his plan for GOOD.

God, thank you for friends. Thank you for answered prayers. Thank you for your plan. Please help me to continue to recognize that your plan is the best plan.

-Mel

A Lesson in Loneliness

Lesson learned: Feelings of loneliness should not affect my level of joy. I should rejoice continually.

This past Thursday, Friday, and Saturday were probably the worst three days of the school year for me. All my emotions caught up with me - the feelings of dejection, the feelings of being inconspicuous, the feelings of being undervalued. I sat in my room Friday night, tears streaming down my face, wondering why I was experiencing such feelings in the first place. There was no need for these feelings; I have friends who love me, friends who acknowledge my presence, and friends who appreciate me. I wasn't convinced of the truth that night, however.

My self-conscious and bitter attitude continued into Saturday. I spent nearly the entire day alone. A beneficial alone, but an unwanted alone. Sunday arrived, and as I sat through the sermon at church, everything came into perspective for me. Pastor John discussed the topic of "speed bumps of life"; God tests our faith through difficulties/trials, through demands, through dollars, and through delays. To live by faith, I must learn to rejoice continually, obey immediately, give generously, and wait patiently.

Clearly, I have not fully learned how to do any of these. If I had learned by now, I wouldn't have been experiencing the feelings I was experiencing that weekend. How often do I rejoice continually? I do not have to be happy in every circumstance, but I should not be overcome with feelings of dejection; I have the knowledge that God is with me. He wants me. He cherishes me. He gives me my value. Once I can learn to rejoice continually, the others should naturally fall into place - rejoice continually, obey immediately, give generously, wait patiently.

Dear lessons, please keep teaching me...

-Melissa

Lessons from the Rim

So, it may appear that I have not learned anything for quite some time. Let me assure you that this is not the case. In fact, I've learned a great deal since my last post. This summer was a summer of lessons, and a summer that is only briefly explained by stating the following:

I do not have words to express how much I enjoyed this summer. My ACMNP experience is one that I hope NEVER to forget. I learned how to appreciate God’s overwhelming love in the midst of feeling so alone. I learned that stepping out in faith, despite how many nervous/fearful emotions are present, is a step that will never be regretted. Before departing for the Grand Canyon, I questioned what I was doing and told myself that I wasn’t right for the job. Looking back, those thoughts have been crushed. God made me right for the job. I have heard it said before that “God does not call the equipped. God equips the called”. There is no way that I felt like I was equipped – that I would be the Godly woman that the canyon visitors needed to see. No way! Because I willing to do what God wanted, however, I was blessed beyond measure. It wasn’t me; it was Him.
This summer was also valuable in respecting other Christians. There was a point in the summer where our team was experiencing great tension because of differences in what we held as right/wrong. Sitting back and listening to an argument between the group one night, I was forced, mentally, to figure out where I stood. While I didn’t change my personal values that night, I do feel like I was able to recognize the fact that there are going to be situations similar to that that come up for the rest of my life. I need to stand firm with what I believe – not accepting actions that I disagree with – but I have to remain free of judgment. Certain disagreements are trivial to the real meaning of life. We are here to glorify God. We are created for His glory. Period. I must keep this in mind always and realize that although I may have disagreements with other Christians, we have a common bond that is more important than anything – we both serve Christ Jesus.
I still reflect every single day about my experience this past summer. I feel like my ACMNP experience and how I value it will continue to manifest itself in different ways. I am continually recognizing new things that I learned from this summer and I am continuing to fall more in love with the people I met this summer.

FUN THINGS I LEARNED:
- Doop is a phenomenal word
- Energizing lip-balm is not worth the expensive price tag
- Concrete picnic tables make terrible beds
- Carry lots of water when you hike
- I like Irish Blessings
- Nickelback sounds like they sing while on the toilet
- Squirrels deserve to have rocks thrown at them
- Kicking, jumping, and cartwheeling on the edge of the Grand Canyon make for splendid headless photos
- Only women should drink diet sodas. Real men drink real soda
- Not everyone knows the name of the Grand Canyon


As you can see, my months of non-posting have not been months of non-learning. Golly, I've been learning a lot!

-Melissa